Republican Sex

A new song I’ve co-written with old pal Sam Turner. A satire on a certain political party’s hypocrisy in embracing and worshiping at the foot of a corrupt and amoral leader.

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By Sam Turner and Michael Kim Roos

We’re just the way God made us
That’s called religious freedom
It’s the old red, white, and blue
There’s some who spread the message
And some just love to spread
Some made for the kitchen
And some made for the bed.

It’s Republican sex
Yes, it’s Republican sex
It’s a walking contradiction,
Black is white and truth is fiction
It’s Republican sex

Come down to Maralago
You’ll find a warm retreat
We’ll satisfy your senses
And we’ll keep it so discreet
Just write it off your taxes
Bring Whitey and the boys
A hundred little angels
And a boatload full of toys

It’s Republican sex
Yes, it’s Republican sex,
My wife’s at home, she’s sewing
Pretending she’s unknowing
It’s Republican sex

I found you in the alley
I pulled you off the street
I hid you in a closet
And fed you something sweet
My rocket’s in my pocket
You got no real defense,
My pals will all protect me,
Mitch and Lindsey, Barr and Pence

It’s Republican sex
Yes, it’s Republican sex
You’ll find it in the Bible
It’s true, that ain’t no libel
That’s Republican sex

My wife just had a baby.
So what? Don’t matter much.
I’ll grab you where you like it,
It’s your thing I long to touch
I’ve watched you in your movies
And all those magazines
A lumberjack, a lawyer,
And a company of Marines

That’s Republican sex,
You got Republican sex
Just like the Inquisition
Assume the right position
For Republican sex

Cialis and Viagra
Unlimited supply
I’m younger than you’re thinking
And I ain’t about to die
How ‘bout we watch some Shark Week
I’m bad, I need a spank
I promise that I’ll pay you
With a loan from Deutsche bank

It’s Republican sex
I want Republican sex,
You’re my exotic dancer
Hypocrisy’s the answer
For Republican sex

Yes, we’re the way God made us
We claim religious freedom
Just for us and not for you!
You say there’s laws against it
Well, we won’t go to jail
Old white men got the money
Yes, and everything’s for sale

Give us Republican sex
We want Republican sex
It’s firmly autocratic
Plutocratic and dogmatic
It’s Republican sex

Let’s make it automatic
Systematic, theocratic
It’s Republican sex

Don’t be so bureaucratic
Diplomatic, Democratic
It’s Republican sex

Copyright © 2020 by Michael Kim Roos and Sam Turner

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