Last night I had a dream,
And in heaven, it seems,
Is a dance hall for lovers who lose.
You see God has a plan,
And he’ll do what he can
For anyone with a bad case of blues.
Jack the Ripper, Antoinette,
Shared a cab with a friend of St. Paul’s.
They were all feeling fine
As they stood there in line
Just to dance at the Lonelyhearts Waltz.
They came to dance at the Lonelyhearts Waltz.
Mike Tyson and Roseanne,
Johnny Carson, Ed McMahon.
Every week there’s a love on the rocks.
There’ll be tears pretty soon
On the face of the moon.
Well, it looks like we all take our knocks.
But everyone take heart,
When your lovers depart,
After life there’s a place for us all.
And now some say the pope
Will be pinnin’ his hopes
On a dance at the Lonelyhearts Waltz.
He’ll take a chance at the Lonelyhearts Waltz.
Are you thinkin’, pray tell,
That these souls are in hell,
Where they’re punished for their passions and crimes?
Oh, no, God ain’t so mean.
He reads People magazine.
And he’s heartbroken time after time after time after time after time.
Prince Charles, Lady Di,
Brigitte and Sly
Found the sweetness of love turning sour.
And you know, now and then,
I remember Sean Penn.
He was married to Madonna for an hour.
And poor Donald Trump,
Even he’s in a slump,
‘Cause he knows every skyscraper falls.
And Elvis, it’s true,
Ain’t in Kalamazoo.
You can find him at the Lonelyhearts Waltz.
He’s a singer at the Lonelyhearts Waltz.